Three or four months ago Norah started talking about a little friend from school named Chloe. One day when I picked her up she said, "Mommy, I'm going to go to Chloe's house." I ran into Chloe's mom several days later and she said, "Chloe came home the other day saying Norah was going to come over to our house." The moms got a good chuckle out of it, but I think we figured it was a phase and that they would both be on to someone else in a week.
But several months have passed and we still hear about Chloe all the time. We often arrive at the same time in the morning and let our excited girls out of the car to stand up on the curb and greet each other. Chloe has a younger sister who is in Macy's room. While Chloe usually gets dropped off in her room first, on days we arrive at the same time her dad knows Chloe will want to go to the baby room first because that's what Norah does. The older girls put the bottles in the fridge and say good bye to their sister and their friend's sister. I typically leave Norah sitting next to Chloe eating breakfast.
Norah sometimes accidentally calls me Chloe in the evenings, which makes me think she must call out to Chloe all day long. Chloe named her Elf (from the Elf on a Shelf book) Norah. When Chloe has purple fingernails, Norah asks for purple fingernails. And according to Chloe's parents she often doesn't want to go to school on Fridays because Norah won't be there.
Several weeks ago Chloe wanted to give Norah a hug before we left, but Norah got shy and refused. In the car I explained to her that she doesn't need to give anyone a hug if she doesn't feel like it, but that it is polite to at least say good bye.
The next day when Chloe came in for a hug Norah hugged back, and ever since this has become a part of the daily routine. Chloe was in another room one day and we had to go into that room and hunt her down for her goodbye hug. It's pretty darn cute.
Then one day last week Chloe didn't want to hug Norah. Norah looked a little sad, but shrugged it off. She hugged another friend who was standing right beside her instead. The next day Chloe declined again. Norah again found someone else to hug.
Today was another story.
Norah excitedly ran across the room to give Chloe a hug and Chloe just stared at her with her big brown eyes. I saw the sadness in Norah's eyes as she realized Chloe wasn't going to give her a hug. She slowly turned to walk away and busted out crying. When she got to me I hunched down and explained that Chloe didn't feel like hugging today but that she is still her friend and maybe she'll feel like it another day. As I was doing this I noticed Chloe watching intently from all the way across the room.
Tears were streaming down Norah's cheeks, and my heart ached. I couldn't help but feel the rejection for my sweet, tender Norah. I found myself feeling defensive. What is wrong with Norah? Why wouldn't Chloe want to hug her?
All the while, Chloe watched. As I continued to explain to Norah that some days she might not feel like hugging either, Chloe walked across the room and gave a sobbing Norah a big hug.
I was quite impressed at Chloe's recognition that denying her friend a hug made her sad, and at her decision to try to make her feel better. (Pretty big emotions for both little girls.)
But I also continued to feel hurt for Norah. It will be a while until I forget the pitifully sad look on her face when she realized Chloe didn't want to give her a hug. During my short three-year stint as a mother I have felt an incredibly wide range of emotions--desperation, frustration, extreme joy and happiness, different than ever before. And many times, when Norah has been in pain, I have felt pain. But this is the first time I have felt rejection for her, and it hurt. Badly.
The worst part is that I know Norah will face much more rejection in her life. And while I know it is a part of growing up I don't look forward to mending her broken heart (and mine).
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