Grandma Says

I receive a newsletter from Growing Child called "Grandma Says." It offers what I find to be very practical advice for parents. In a recent newsletter, the following "Memorandum from a Child" was included. I had seen this before, but enjoyed reading it again. I often feel that Norah is smarter then we give her credit for--I may need to print this out and hang it all over our house as a daily reminder!

MEMORANDUM FROM A CHILD

Cleaning out some drawers, I came across this memorandum. I'm not at all sure of its source or age, but I find that the ideas are compelling and brief reminders of tips for good parenting.

1. Don't spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not to have all that I ask for. I am only testing you.

2. Don't be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it. It lets me know where I stand.

3. Don't use force with me. It teaches me that power is all that counts. I will respond more readily towards being led.

4. Don't be inconsistent. That confuses me, and makes me try harder to get away with everything I can.

5. Don't make promises that you may not be able to keep. That will discourage my trust in you.

6. Don't fall for my provocations when I say and do things just to upset you. If you do, then I'll try for more such victories.

7. Don't be too upset when I say, "I hate you." I don't mean it but I want you to feel sorry for what you have done to me.

8. Don't make me feel smaller than I am. I will make up for it by behaving like a "big shot."

9. Don't do things for me that I can do for myself. It makes me feel like a baby and I may continue to put you in my service.

10. Don't let my bad habits get me a lot of your attention. It only encourages me to continue them.

11. Don't correct me in front of people. I'll take more notice if you talk quietly with me in private.

12. Don't try to discuss my behavior in the heat of a conflict. For some reason my hearing is not very good at this time-my cooperation is even worse.

13. It is fine to take the action required by my behavior, but please let me know why I'm being punished, and that even if you might hate what I did, you don't hate who I am.

14. Don't try to preach to me. You'd be surprised how well I know what's right and wrong.

15. Don't make me feel that my mistakes are sins. I have to learn to make mistakes without feeling that I'm no good.

16. Don't nag. If you do, I shall have to protect myself by appearing deaf.

17. Let me know when I have done something that you like. If you let me know how I did it right, that makes it easier for me to please you again. 

Sneaking a Peak

Soon after Norah started sleeping downstairs (around 3-4 months), Seth started looking in on her before crawling into bed. I thought it was so sweet, and liked the idea of one last look for the day, so we quickly fell into the routine of going down together and sneaking in to look at our sleeping angel. We usually watch her for a few minutes, exchanging spots around the crib for different angles. She has only stirred a few times - for the most part she just peacefully sleeps as we point things out to each other, like the way she is tightly gripping her snuggly, or an awkward position a limb is in. The last thing we do before sneaking back out is kiss our hand and gently place it on her head. We have done this so regularly that my day no longer feels complete until we have properly said goodnight to the little Peanut.

A Masterpiece?

Seth came down with what we think was a 24 hour flu-like virus Saturday evening. So Sunday, he was quarantined to the bedroom, which meant Norah and I had a mommy/daughter day together. I was somewhat prepared, since when I woke up at midnight Seth told me what was going on, so I didn't expect to have a super productive day. Instead, I focused on Norah and frequently dropped whatever I was doing (typically something in the kitchen) to engage in her chosen activity of the minute.

I can't really pinpoint it, but there was something refreshing about the day. Maybe it was because we had a long weekend so the usual required productivity wasn't packed into one day. There was stuff I would have preferred to get done, but I didn't feel stressed about it. I was simply able to enjoy my time exploring the world with Norah.

At one point I decided to get out the crayons. It was the third time Norah had "played" with them, but this was the first time she actually put them to paper (taking them in and out of the box is much more fun).

We decided to make something for daddy, and the closest Norah got to Seth all day was to hand him this:

Seth was feeling much better yesterday evening already, but worked from home today to make sure he didn't spread it around to his co-workers. So far we were successful in not spreading it around the family, but we need another day or two to be sure.

Happy New Year!

I find that time seems to pass by more quickly as I get older. As much as I was aware that 2010 was approaching, it is hard to believe that the new decade has begun.

I anticipate a good year, although what else would an optimist say? While I have very mixed feelings about leaving our neighborhood where we have developed such good friendships, I expect the year to include a move into a new home. We have one trip planned to New York for cousin Renetta's wedding, and I'm sure other plans will be made as we attempt to keep up with family and friends who are spread around the US (and world).

And of course we will delight in Norah's continued development. She is working hard on communicating and no doubt her tiny little mouth will start to form more and more words throughout the year. Maybe, just maybe, 2010 will be the year of teeth and hair. Either way, my hope is that we continue to find ways to give Norah new experiences that contribute to her growth.

As for myself, I am not one for resolutions but do feel that the start of a new year is an appropriate time to reflect. I'll skip the specifics and just say that my overall plan for 2010 is to continue to work on being a good wife, mother, sister, daughter and friend (and everything else in between).

A Quick Note on Singing

Oh, how our lives change. Prior to 12 months ago, I can't tell you when the last time is I sang The Wheels on the Bus. Now, not only is it a daily occurence, but it has also taken over our lunch conversation with friends.

Saturday we were comparing notes on the song with Lisa and Dave while enjoying a nice lunch outside. Lisa reminded me of the horn going "honk, honk, honk" (duh), and we gave them a few ideas as well. Together, we keep the bus driver pretty chatty - he says, "move on back," "take your seat," and "pay your fare." (He's also a pretty bossy.)

Seth takes it even further by combining the song with Old McDonald. He's got cows going "moo, moo, moo," ducks going "quack, quack, quack," and sheep going "baa, baa, baa" on his bus.

The beauty of a song like The Wheels on the Bus is that it can go on for a really long time. When I first started singing it to Norah I could only remember a few verses, but through repetition, creativity, and a little help from friends, now it practically takes us all the way to daycare.

Ready for Disciplining?

The answer is no. I'm not ready for disciplining. I'm still getting over the fact that I have a child old enough to hold her own bottle. And to pull her own pants off and throw them out of her crib.

(Side note: typically I have a rule that Norah has't officially passed a milestone or done something new until Seth witness it with our own eyes. So for example when her teachers told me she rolled over I didn't believe them until I saw it happen that weekend. And the date that goes in the baby book (when I remember to put it in)? The one on which we witnessed the new feat.)

Back to the point. Yes, apparently she takes her pants off and throw them out of her crib (not yet official). And that is what she chose to do today instead of taking her afternoon nap. "Stripping instead of sleeping," her teachers joked.

Okay, really back to the point. Norah is getting old right before my eyes. So old that we are entering the ever so trecherous world of disciplining.

There isn't much she can get into in our house, but she finds a few things very tempting (over and over again), primarily the stereo equipment and a thermometer that sits on a window sill.

We have started saying, "Eh eh" as she reaches for the off-limits object and it is quite obvious that she knows what it means. Now, when she goes for the thermometer she pulls herself up to the sill and looks back at us before she reaches for it. We give her our best "I'm watching you and you know better" look, and she shoots back a very ornery grin. Sometimes she decides to go for it anyway, and when we say, "Eh eh" again she answers with a high pitched whine: "Eeeehhhhhhh."

Mom (she is here visiting), Seth and I laughed at this over and over this weekend. We'll try to catch it on video so you can see it for yourself.

SUCH a stinker butt. There's just no other way to put it. I better find a good book on disciplining.

Nicknames

I'm a nickname person. Sometimes I think it stems from my involvement in sports but I don't know if there is any truth to that. I just know that if someone's name is long, I like to shorten it, and if it is short, I like to lengthen it.

I definitey grew up with nicknames. When we lived in Guadeloupe my sister started calling me "Onshee" because it flowed better with French (as if we spoke it a lot to each other). It stuck. I am now "Ont Onshee" to the boys. They occasionally call me Angie because they hear others refer to me that way, but when it happens we usually sit down and have a heart to heart.

My dad calls me "Poopie head." I don't know when that started, but he definitely still uses it today. In high school and college a lot of people called me "Guns" (which I think goes back to the sports connection). In high school on the softball team, my warm up jersey had "Lil' Guns" on the back since Lisa and I were on the same team.

I also remember cheering for "Gunner," who was my dad on the fast pitch softball mound.

And Seth calls me "Ang." Always...at least when he is talking to others about me. To my face it is usually "Baby." And I call him the same - or "Babe" or "Babycakes," which our friends Lisa and Dave get a big kick out of (note they won't share all of their nicknames with us!).

So now we come to the point of the entry - Norah's nicknames. We have landed on several. Most often, we both call her "Peanut." As she hs gotten older, and developed more of a personality, I have started calling her "Stinker Butt" simply because it fits. I recently realized that I probaby need to refrain from calling her something that I don't want her using with other people (obviously my dad wasn't concerned about that when he started calling me Poopie Head). So, I try to shorten it to Stinker B, but it just doesn't have the same affect.

Other names for Norah:

- Norah G (me)
- Little One (Seth and me - typically when we are talking about her, not to her)
- Baby Norah (TJ and Luka - I think they think that is her full name)
- Norah Jean (daycare teachers)
- Norah-liscious (neighbor Philip). This often gets shortened to "Liscious."
- Norita (a Spanish-speaking daycare teacher)
- Bright Eyes (daycare worker)
- Hollywood (former daycare teacher - because she is with my sister one day a week, and with mom and dad sometimes when they are in town, so the daycare has to "make appointments" to see Norah).

I wonder which of these will stick, and what we will be calling Norah in two years.

Daddies and Little Girls

What is it about daddies and little girls? Even the sight of strangers that share this relationship has always melted my heart. One of the things I have looked forward to ever since meeting and falling in love with Seth was watching him be a dad to our children. Finding out we were having a girl was especially exciting because now I would be able to watch this special relationship between my own husband and daughter. I have not been disappointed.

Seth was always the one who wasn't ready to have kids. But I think he's over it. He has been an awesome, very engaged dad since the day Norah was born. The early weeks and months must be tough for the dad, particularly if the mother is breastfeeding. Not only has the mother has been carrying the baby for 9 months, but now she supplies every ounce of the baby's nutrituional needs. Along with that comes the opportunity for a unique bonding experience.

I think Seth would say he has always felt a bond with Norah, but around about 4 months when she started smiling and reacting to him he started having more fun with her. He is now the lucky recipient of the biggest, cheesiest Gunden-cheek grins that Norah gives. Every night when he comes home from work and walks in her bedroom (she is usually eating) her face absolutely lights up.

Norah used to go to bed closer to 6:30 which gave Seth enough time to come home and at least see her for a few minutes. Recently, however, she has been obviously ready for bed even earlier. The problem with this is that Seth has to leave work a few minutes before 5:00 to make it home to see her for just 10-15 minutes. He has been so busy at work lately that he logs on from home almost every night and works several more hours. One evening he came home very disappointed because she was already in bed. He said to me, "It's bad enough that I'm so busy at work, but when I can't see Norah it is even harder."

I think that says a lot about this daddy and little girl.

A Parent's Influence

Being a parent changes a lot in a person's life. I know it has in mine. I have always worked to be a good person in the world, though I suppose I have been a bit more conscious about it in my later years. And now, as a parent, I find myself really thinking about the type of person I want to be, particularly because I know I will have a major influence on Norah and the type of person she becomes. I find myself being more conscious about how I relate to Seth, how I act in different situations, how I communicate, the things I say, and the things I do. Her presence in my life has caused me to make changes in some of these areas. I'm sure there is more to come, but I am thankful she has come along and helped me to be a better person.

I have also thought about the things that I did not grow up with, but are so much a part of our lives that they will seem completely normal to Norah. The technology advancements are obvious, but that's not what I'm thinking about. We have an African American President, for example. Hopefully Obama will still be in office when she is 8 so she will be old enough to remember. We'll teach her the significance, but at the same time it will be something she is used to. I am also happy to know that Norah will grow up thinking it is normal to put plastics, aluminum and cardboard into a green bin that gets put out by the road every other week for pick up. She will grow up understanding the importance of collecting glass and taking it to the recycling center once a month. These are just a few examples.

So I think this is both the joy and pressure of parenting. We get to influence their lives...but we influence their lives. Lucikly, much of what I want for Norah is in line with the values that both my parents and Seth's instilled in us. It's just part of who we are, which makes it somewhat natural for us now. At least that is what I am counting on...

You Know You're a New Parent When...

...you eat dinner at 5PM and you decide 8PM is too late to start a movie.

Two other clues may be that you do 6 loads of laundry per week or have several hundred ounces of milk in your freezer.